Friday, October 20, 2006written once at 12:08 AM

생일축하해!

Anyway, today was an okay day despite the terribly wonky voice. Dear Lord, I really want back my usual speaking voice, probably a change in singing voice? Haha. Since this sickness is always a transition to another change in my voice. Anyway, recorded two birthday surprises for SL along with a graphic. I hope she likes it x]

I've learned a few things today. Probably only two, but learning and understand it now will definately help me in the future. It probably might help you too ;] So yeah...

First off, think positive for everything in life. I know we all have heard this phrase at least once since the day we understood English or whatever language or dialect. I've really learned it today. How I learned this lesson today is because of how my parents were so ... wanting to go out for dinner today. [Mind you, we've been going out for the past 2-3 days throughout the weekdays] I mean, this isn't really a problem for most people but for me, it is. I RARELY go out during the weekdays. I dislike going out at night especially during the weekdays. I wouldn't mind for the weekends, in fact I'll actually enjoy it more. And what's worse is that I'm sick. And I've got this chance to enjoy all these good food. [food at home sucks ;x it's either too salty or nothing suit me or like 3-4 days of overnight food] Okay, so yeah, today is Thursday and I got really sick of going out. The reasons for the past few days was to celebrate the belated/chinese bdays of my mom and me. And apparently, it's my chinese bday today. So we are going out.

At first, I really really despised the idea. I even wanted to just, tell my dad in the face that he should go with my mom alone. Probably even adding a line of 'Let you two have you er ren shi jie maaa' to make things look better. But I didn't have the heart. I was so used to life without my parents till at night. I was so used to being alone. I used to hate being alone. But as time went by, I started learning how to adapt to it and make full use of it. So yeah, as I waited for the time to come to go out, I went to shower and I thought about it. I'll probably regret in the future that I did not went for dinner with my parents. I mean, how rare is that we'll be able to afford going out to eat almost everyday for dinner? I should really be grateful. I should really appreciate. And I did.

And I'm happy that I made that decision.

I'm happy that I didn't make a face or pulled a long face to show displeasure. In fact, the three of us really enjoyed the dinner. I came back in time to 'celebrate' SL's bday and this is where the second lesson comes in.

I spent almost 2 hours to do the graphic. I skipped lunch time and study time to do it. I referred back to my old graphics to get back the effect I wanted. Probably I was too influenced with Hyuk's character in Pentagonic [my fic] that I'm expecting too highly of myself and wanting people's praises. When I sent the graphic to her, she didn't give me the reaction I wanted. Probably I'm just selfish and want / demand that I want to be praised. Sighs, I missed those days where my graphics were so demanded and sought for. Now its like, oh? okay. It hurts, seriously it does.

I seem to be crushed so easily. I'm like exposing my soft side too easily. I'm afraid. T_T I'm so scared people will take advantage of this point to bully me. Okay, so bully is such a kiddy word for now but I fear. I worry although this isn't exactly the right time to. SPM is coming in less than 40 days. I fear so many other things. I am scared of this and that. So insecure. And now this. I need to stop being so selfish and self-centered. Okay, so selfish and self-centered is the same but, sighs. I have yet to learn anything from this second lesson. But I do know that I need to change my attitude. I need to see the brighter side. Or else I'll have to live with sadness most of the time. I wouldn't wanna live a life filled with sadness!

I should really stick to XH's statement x] [she said this in class one day]

I got a C. You've got an A. Your job is harder than mine. At least I can improve. But you can't. You must maintain.

For this case, I have a weird graphic. Just when I thought art was subjective, apparently she agrees its weird too. I know life isn't all about impressing people. But for me, life is making people happy. And I want to make people happy with my graphics. I want them to LIKE my graphic. Okay, I'm being selfish again. But with a weird graphic... I'll take it as this is a C. I'll improve.

I will improve.

Apart from that, I think I'll make my confession here ;]

I love you mommy. I love you papa. Thank you for everything you have done for me. Even if you can't read whatever I am typing here, it's okay.

I love you Dongdong. Thanks for always being there for me <33 You don't know what difference you have made in my life. You've filled up some holes that were never able to close before.

I love you all especially moomoon, kak farah, rfa hyunnie, kak bailah, shulingie, simonie, yvonnie. Thanks for always loving me [maybe it doesnt apply for some of you? XD]and commenting in my bloggie!

Most of all, I love you Lord! Praise Lord! <3
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