Friday, March 09, 2007written once at 8:38 PM

So yeah, korean class beginner level ended successfully. I scored a beautiful 95 ;D Could've scored higher if I did not make the mistakes on articles XD Anyway, classes for the next level will resume next next week; after the holiday. I don't think the main reason I am blogging is because of this but because of something bigger. Maybe it's because I need to write fics but because I'm currently plotless so I retreat to such; blogging to express myself better.

But really... I don't seem to have anything to blog.

I seem to be extra stressed out or rather, lost lately. Probably because of my upcoming result day [12th] and piano what not. And seeing somebody twice a week really scares me. I get so freaked out. I'm so worried, so afraid. I really want to be happy. Life is so short and everytime I think about it; why do I choose to place myself in such a horrible situation when I can choose a better one and be happier than now? Why why?

Why...?

People say happiness is a voyage. Happiness IS the road. But really, how do you find happiness when you have to face something you fear and don't want to see twice a week. And everytime you see, you just go blank at everything else. I really don't know what am I talking about you know honestly. I probably just want to crap; want to express my feelings kept inside; want to just... just pass time...

Then it's the decisions that we have to make after results day. Do I continue working? Where do I study? What do I study? How am I going to make this happen? Where am I going to get the money? Will the money be enough? What will happen if I took the wrong turn? Questions...

And it's not like I can live off anybody. My parents are already working their asses off. They leave early in the morning and don't come back till late night. I rarely see them okay. Except for the weekends where I am booked and I go out, they either worked half day or stay home. Anyhow, every weekday is routine-ish to me. If I wake up early, I'll get to see them for that half an hour or so. If I sleep early, I wouldn't even be able to see them.

I like typing long posts. But I know nobody is free to read them. Oh well, I didn't blog for people to read. This blog was created anyway so I won't need to WRITE out my stuff instead. I'm tired. I really am. I want to quit the things I dislike, the thing I am scared of, the thing I dread. I just want to put everything down and leave. I want to be a happier person. So much for the motto of GSG this year; DKDC? I seriously want to get it applied? But apparently it wouldn't work? Honestly, I don't even know why am I staying on?

Hello reader, if you happen to know or understand whatever it's typed up there, you probably are the ones who suffered as well ;] You probably will be thinking; Aiyah, your work also not so much why you fret so much? Why you complain so much? Don't ask me why man. I myself don't know why. I know my work load and burden ain't as much as most of you all out there but I'm not as strong as any of you ._. I don't know how you guys do it but all of you are superb. And although we have each other, I really don't know how long can we go through this...

If you [reader] don't seem to understand much of this post, forget it ;] don't bother <3 I'll still love you as much anyway XD

And I don't seem to have anyone close that I can talk to now... Like seriously, no one. No one I feel is able to understand properly what am I going through now. I'm like seriously stuck in lots and lots of types of thread&strings&what not that nobody will go through the same thing as me. But I'm glad that when I look back and think, at least, at least I had a few people that I can talk to; openly talk and cry about things.

But now...



Not anymore...
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